Does LongXiang still love the God who's in him for more than 5 yrs?

Hmm..Tis actually is a very gd ques that i hav been asking myself. My physcology actually said that what i'm facing is over-whelming and i was shocked that she actually asked me how i managered to cope for the past few mths.. I'm really over-stressed, just feel like shouting out; crying out and stay in a dark corner..etc..but God in my life is really so amazing. For these period of times, frankly speaking, its really a big struggle to get moving..to work, going church, going for appointments and even going hm. I hav not vist my dad for three weeks, am i a bad boy?? And my medicine don work anymore.

But somehow i still can do wat i should do..and tat's makes me more crazier. Actually my agreement with God in my batised..."San Fu"..and my agreement with Mu Shi and Mu Shi Niang..etc..keep coming out in my mind. Frankly speaking, i really don't know how to face my church and my God anymore..I know U all love me, God definately love me, i need U all and i really love God, just tat i no longer know wat is "love".

Sometimes i think i'm really like Jacob, but sometimes oso like Esau.. I really thk God for loving me and given me a heart tat love him. For he's a God for the past, present, future and even 4ever..his words and laws then shall not change any bit either. Tat's why he's the God, the creator.

I'm really sorry everyone.. I really regret starting a relationship, becos wat i need is not tat kind of love!! I just feel no where to go, but i need someone who care and love me..I really don expect anyone to come and care or love me, just tat i can't accept tat i hav to give out something to get "love". I know there's no free lunch in tis world, but i really tried my best to balance my work and my family already..I hav tried not to bring my emotions to everywhere.

I know i really let many ppl down, even myself..i give high expectations to myself. I don't know U all understand how someone feel over-stressed and but hav no entertainment or not. Anyway, i know for stress i hav done alot i shoudnt and there's no way going back, but only moving forward.

So, there's only two way.. Either i face it or i hack care and leave church.. I hav seen many needs and would like to try facing it, but pls don't blame me if i can't in the end. As long as U R willing, God is always there for U.