The uncontrollable first fist..

2day alot of things happened in the office.. Early in the morning get scolded and went crazy.. Actually i almost get the job of store man already, just tat tis Msg Ang wan me to officially take over. In his impressions, i only sleep and use com.. Maybe when i work, he is sleeping?? HaHa.. Just follow wat he say and learnt the stor man thing lorz.. Though i'm tired, but i did not sound out anything and just see wat i can learnt..i even wrote down ques lorz..

Arnd 9 plus, the others went to eat..so i take tis time to blog lorz..who knos still thinking wat to type, Msg asked me wat am i doing nw. I told him they went to eat, so i oso rest and use com lorz.. Actually i nv record time in to use com...i just kept quiet and then go and take a pen and record la..who knos, he suddenly shouted at me..scolded me..wan me to log off the com and go to his office. After went in, he scolded wat he wan lorz!

Fr there then i kno i in his eyes is such lousy. Ya, i come work look sleepy..but did purposely fell asleep?? No! And i did my work lehx..He say he only see me sleeping at the back and using com only. I nv sleep at the back le lorz!! I think he wake up only when i rest.. Actually say i came 1 mth le and learnt nth but sleep and play com, such insulting!! My tears went off.. I keep quiet becos i don wan to fight wif him and i wan to control, but he actually ask wat do i wan nw. Its wat he wan lorz..he Msg wat! Like tat still nvm...actually asked me whether can take the job as store man or not, if cannot he will transfer me out..to somewhere can sleep and rest one. Very insulting la! Of course i hope i wont transfer out, cos already used to and adapt in the enviro and job wat.

After tat he told me to go toilet and wash my face.. When i'm out, i couldn't take it and i cried out loud. I asked myself, WAT HAPPENED?? WAT DID I DONE WRONG?? i cried louder inside the toilet and i gave the wall a punch.. Tis is my first punch to the wall, and my hand immediatly turn blue black..

Ya, he did help me to make appt wif S1 man power officer to get finance help. S1 is a CPT, and most importantly he is a christian.. He helped me sort out my probs and troubs, talking to him let me see alot of things. Tis make me realize tat God is always trying to help us, and he help us in amazing ways tat we wont kno. I really feel in secure wif the presence of Msg Ang, i oso donno why.

Will updating wat i been doing again.. Thk's and God bless! :)


Life without God is really terrible..I wouldn't dare to imaging how would my life be. If one day one of ur mum drunk...came back hm arnd 11.30pm..ask U whether she die gd or not, wat will U do? She cried looking so helpless..but maybe only thru tis situation, then U get to kno her probs and troubs.

She get only $600 gross pay for wat she work.. But tis money hav to pay for hse gas; daily needs; her own living and giving money to sons.. So she actually collect newspaper; cans; steel and copper to sell and get money for herself. Tis mother hav been feeling helpless these few weeks when visiting her soundless yet skinny and old husband and when she hav to see the lawyer herself.. She actually hav 3 sons, but all hav their own probs.

The big one already 23, still didnt work..when he's at hm, he will watch tv & vcd; hear Amyway tapes; sleep when normal ppl aren't and the most prowerful things is to eat up foods in the hse..a gd mother and i buy things for him to eat but he sleeping, end up food become cannot be eaten. He will borrow money fr either me or my mum, saying will pay us back..not we don trust him in returning but he don even work, how he pay us back?? Something interesting is tat when he watching tv; vcd or listening to songs, he will put alot of foods and hot drinks..eg coffee or tea.. infront of him with newspaper below.. U can get wat U wan to eat or drinks when U wan rite?? Hot foods become sticky stuffs and hot drinks become donno wat.. He will oso went out for a few days then come back hm..i donno where he can go but imaging someone walking outside for a few days without bathing and brushing of teeths..after tat come back hm sleep for donno how many days again. No one (really no one) can tell him thru and he might fight wif U.

The middle one is 20 and he is in Army oso..actually worrying abt wat he can do after he sept ORD. His pay may be higher than me, but not so enough for himself. He can go cinema watch movies himself.. When he nth to do, he will do all sort of things to irritate U..eg searching thru ur things.
Mother was disappointed becos he still smoking.

I?? stuck within myself bah.. I'm like missing the past LongXiang and trying to find him back la.. There's really many more important things to do la..and i just stuck here? I cannot find LongXiang anymore, i must find God.. trying always.

Wat's ahead??

Sometimes i really hav no courage to move..sometimes i just don wan to move... Sometimes i told myself tat i'm LongXiang, so let it be.. I choose not to face myself, reason is too compilcated in my mind. Usually i will blame myself for not doing to wat i can, feel quilty abt wat happened and say sorry to whom i hurt.. Actually there's no wrong doing all these, but probs is tat i just stuck here and do nth abt it. Every part of my body really go thru a lots becos of me.



I kno wat i should do; wat's wrong and rite..funny thing is tat i wish and hope for grow, but WHY never do it?! Worse is tat many ppl trying to help me!! And i still stuck here? Family probs; finances probs, medical probs...etc.. Things arnd U hav so many loopholes, really hard for U to believe tat U hav a gd future.. My actions nv go wif my thinking..



On the 13/07/07 Fri, i went nursing hm visit my dad.. U kno, my 3rd bro and 2nd bro R just weird..many of the times only when either me or my mun go visit my dad then they tap along. And tat day, i use PSP to buy my 3rd bro sat time to visit my dad again. When i visit my dad, i surely buy something for him to eat..eg: porridge and oso let him listen to some christian songs. The others i don wish to say. Usually when anyone visit him, he will talk alots..maybe some R rubbish, but..U kno wat? Fr July onwards, he no longer talk...i don mind he talk rubbish U kno?! I donno how to con't to say le, its just a emo part bah.. I actually feed my dad untill all over in a mess, maybe U can do better than me?? When feeding him, i really almost drop my tears..HaHa! U can imagine a person so close to U skinny until can see the rip cage and soundlessly lying on bed. Lol.. And after tat, i rush to tang fang.



I donno wat push me to live, or just becos i scare of die..HaHa! I really wan to breakthru and help myself. i kno no one can help me, most important things is my own relationship wif God..

Very sorry..I oso donno why i don share, maybe becos when U tel ur probs out U hav to face it bah..HaHa! Many things did happened in camp..but, forget it its all over. I cried and i hot up, not becos of one thing happened but many things happened.

My Sir after hearing a BIT of my probs, he gave me a words of advise to bring hm..Tat is no matter wat ur future will become, U can do smth CHANGE ur future. The magic words is CHANGE. Smth like tat la, HaHa!

I will try..always trying to breakthru. Can't make sure, but can promise. Thk's everyone, eps CL; Alvin; Li Qin; Mu Shi; Mu Shi Niang..etc. Don worry abt me, but pray for me, thk's! :) God's here is to give us a gd future, yeah?

Days in new camp..

Hey! I really really miss all my bro and sis in christ alots.. My job in new camp a bit slack, some more can use com...HaHa! When sit down sometimes feel like having tears out..the feeling is like U so hope to be wif God and bro & sis in christ, but most of the times we just hav to be responsible in tis world. Yup! failure everyone will hav a bit or other, but most important things is tat how U going to stand up fr there. Too much failure U just scare there's no more hope, but God's always there! and its 4ever! So, matter is we feel tired of trying anymore..so wan to give up. Hey! God nv give up on us, so we really don hav the authority to give up on ourself lorz.. HaHa! Thk's for all the cards and cares given by lovely bro and sis, its helps me alots..really alots. So, don give up on doing wat's gd. Jia you! :)